Memorial Service

Today was the memorial service for our little one. I really feel blessed to have gotten through it okay. (Not that it was easy.)

Yesterday we had the graveside service and it was very different than I thought it would be. It was just our close family members. I don't know why, but I couldn't cry. I kind of felt like there was something wrong with me. What mom wouldn't be sobbing? But I just felt so numb. Plus it was weird to be laying our baby to rest when the sun was shining and everything else felt so . . . alive.

I have been meaning to thank everyone who has left a comment on the recent posts. It is really comforting to go back and read them. Even people who I don't know who have left comments; it's so nice to hear from you.

We've made it through one more day.

Isn't He Sweet?

I hope this picture doesn't bother anyone. I just wanted to share one of the pictures of Isaac. Shortly after we learned he had passed away we were told that there is a photographer locally who takes pictures of stillborn babies as a ministry. She came right after he was born to capture some precious memories for us. I am SO very grateful to have this.

Fresh Grief

Today Ethan and I went to the funeral home to settle some details. I am so grateful we didn't have to pick out a casket. They just showed us a picture of what it would look like. It's white and really soft inside. Not something I ever thought I would need to look at.

We also went to the cemetary we chose and found a spot for Isaac to be buried. There is a whole section called "Baby Land". How sad is that? But there actually aren't many spots taken, thankfully.

At the funeral home we talked about writing the obituary, what to do for a grave marker, what his memorial service would look like, etc. I didn't know there would be so much to decide.

We have been so surrounded by people that by the end of the day I realize I haven't let myself go. It's not that I'm trying to avoid thinking about it; it's just the reality of being surrounded by people. Now when I'm alone is when I fall apart. I hold the blanket we held him in and just sob. I wonder how long this will go on?

Goodbye, Precious Son

Our beautiful baby boy, Isaac James, was born last night around 11:00. He had passed away sometime in the previous 24 hours. We think it happened when his umbilical cord got twisted.

He was 6 lbs. 5 ounces. And he was perfect.

We covet your prayers.

Kindergarten!

Today is our first day of kindergarten. I debated whether or not to start before the baby comes but decided to go ahead! Hopefully we can get a good couple weeks in before we take a break.

Emmie is doing preschool alongside her big sister and told me all morning that now she is a "big girl". I was really proud of her for listening while we read our history and science books.

On a totally different note, I just took a quiz from http://mydeco.com/imagini/test/ It was great. My decorating style according to them is "Earth Mother". Interesting. What's your style?

We're Off to the Lodge!

It's that time of year again. Time to go relax by the lake for a few days. Time to watch my kids build sand castles and my hubby jet ski. (Normally I would be right there with him, but this year . . . not so much.)

I can't wait to play "Apples to Apples" and see if Ethan and Barry can top their "s'manwich" recipe from last summer. Looking forward to posting some good pictures soon!

Little Artist

Allison loves to draw and color. I think we could hang out all day and do art stuff together. She surprised me a few days ago when I was out for a while. I came home to this:

She did the digital version with a program called Tux Paint. I love it because the kids can do all kinds of things on there with no mess. But then she sat and copied it onto paper. This isn't very close-up, but the penguin faces are so cute. :)

Tree Climbing

Lately the girls have been begging Ethan to teach them how to climb trees. They know from their Nana that Daddy started climbing trees at about two years old so I guess they think they are behind. :)

My favorite story from Ethan's mom is the one about how he got stuck in a tree during an earthquake when they lived in California. He was 6 years old and she was really far along in her pregnancy with his brother Phillip. The best she could do was to hold onto the back door and yell "don't let go!" The picture from above is actually from a photo scavenger hunt -- it's Ethan up a tree at the library.

A few weeks back he finally took the kids out front to the best climbing tree we have and showed them what to do. They were so proud of themselves but haven't been up the tree since. Ryan was content to scoot on his bottom down the hill for now. With the way he climbs everything in the house though I'm sure he will be up a tree soon.

Here's Ethan helping Allie -- it was tough getting a good pic because of all the branches.

Emmie reaches the top!

Ryan scoots and scoots.