Thankful

This has been a sorrowful week. Last night we got a call from another friend and learned that a couple we know (slightly) has lost their baby at 32 weeks. They went into labor at home and were using a midwife. When the midwife arrived she found the mom dilated to an 8 and sent her to the hospital. They weren't able to stop the labor in time. My initial feeling was grief for the couple, but then I couldn't help but look at our situation and wonder if we would really be okay. Dwelling on the difficult things isn't something I want to do, so I decided to remember all the things I have to be thankful for here.

* my baby has had steriod shots to develop her lungs
* wonderful nurses, many who are Christians
* prayers from far and wide
* a husband who loves me more than I can fathom sometimes :)
* one of my precious kids is in heaven, where there is no pain or sorrow!
* my three babes at home, who keep my laughing whenever I see them
* God's faithfulness to our family
* friends and their blessings (one who brought the entire 5 seasons of "Alias" for me to watch!)
* modern medicine -- so grateful it's 2009!

Have I mentioned lately that we are done having babies? Because we are. After this precious girl arrives . . . NO MORE! I haven't slept since 2:00 a.m. due to contractions and magnesium sulfate doses and throwing up and nausea and heart issues related to mag sulfate. I'm so thankful TODAY wasn't Christmas Day! After the contractions today I barely feel comfortable walking to the bathroom. I don't want to move an inch until the dr. can safely bring our girl into the world.

A special thank you to our friends and neighbors, Katie and McKay, who sacrificed sleep last night so Ethan could run to the hospital when we thought we might be having an emergency c-section. We appreciate you SO much for answering the phone in the middle of the night!

Heart Breaking News

"My eyes are dim with grief. I call to you, Oh Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to you."
-- Psalm 88:9

As I'm writing this I'm struggling not to get tears all over my keyboard. I just found out that a wonderful friend lost her baby girl on Christmas Eve. My friend's name is Randi, and her baby's name was Ruthie. Ruthie was six months old and passed away during a nap.

I've known Randi for a couple of years through Keepers of the Home. We are also a part of the same homeschool co-oop. She is the type of person who truly lives out her faith. On her facebook page she shared the lines from this old hymm:

'When peace like a river attendeth my way. When sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul.'

Please pray that God will carry their family through each moment of this terrible tragedy.

Some Poeple Will Do Anything To Get Out of Family Holidays!

Merry Christmas everyone! I am posting this from . . . you guessed it. The hospital. Whoopee. Last night was our traditional Christmas Eve with Ethan's side of the family. Usually we do it at his parent's house, but instead everyone voted to move it to our house. Almost everyone had arrived and we were just about to eat when I discovered I was bleeding. (A LOT!) I didn't even want to tell Ethan, but of course I did and we dropped everything and rushed in.

There was some concern last night that our little girl would have to be delivered via emergency c-section, but praise God, the bleeding slowed enough for now to keep her safely inside. I am really curious to see what our dr. has to say. Will I be transfered to the hospital with a better NICU? Going home? Staying right here? Last night when they decided to admit me the nurse said she'd go prepare a room. As she was walking out the door I yelled "I like 307!" :) She and the dr. both started laughing. Unfortunately 307 was already taken but they had my second choice available. I am thankful for the little things!

Christmas Spirit

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas around here! Ethan just snuck in our "most exciting" present to the kids. It's alive. Some of you may know what it is, but I'm going to wait and post a picture. It's NOT A PUPPY. :) Like we could keep a puppy in the house for longer than 10 minutes without everyone knowing it.

Ethan surprised me by making arrangements for our hairstylist to come out and give me a haircut today. I don't know who to thank more, him or Jenni, who insisted on doing it as a gift. We're still giving her a gift card or something -- that was too sweet!

Have been feeling the urge to . . . . scrapbook! This is a big moment in my life, as I have not tried scrapbooking with paper for probably six years. I just got frustrated with not having a space, and buying materials, and getting behind. But I saw a glimpse of some pretty paper today when Allie was looking for ribbons for her hair, and I think the sickness is coming on. Watch out Ethan! You may not be able to sleep in our bed for the next several weeks, as it will be taken over!

I have really been watching Ethan today and yesterday. Seeing how he handles taking care of the kids full-time. He's never been responsible for them two straight days in a row with no breaks. It's . . . interesting!

Ryan had three poopy diapers today and spilled both milk and apple juice on the carpet below our dining room table. Emily accidently dumped her salad all over the floor while clearing her spot from dinner. Allie somersaulted off my bed and smacked her head on the bookcase. I think there were other incidents but this is just what I know happened for sure. Ethan was also trying to clean the junk out of his old office so we can start turning it into the nursery. (No pressure to do that from me; I think he just needed a project this weekend.) He had some football games he wanted to watch but had many interruptions. A few minutes ago he told me, "I NEED to go to work this week!!"

Poor guy. I completely understand what he's facing. When you're the only parent you often have to sacrifice the plans you make and adjust as you go. Sometimes I have wished I had a job to go to also; I love being a stay-at-home mom but it can get overwhelming at times. At least the weekend is almost over!

Dave Ramsey Show

This has been posted on my facebook page already, but this coming Tuesday night we're going to be on the Dave Ramsey Show! Not live in person, which is FINE by me, but on the phone. His show is all about giving, so we're going to talk about how much God has blessed our family since Isaac passed away. Really the last year and a half has been one very difficult trial after another; it will be nice to say "thanks" to all the people who have been there for us. They said if we had any pictures to use that would be great. I wish we did have pictures of the people taking care of our kids and mowing our lawn and bringing meals and . . . the list just goes on. Maybe we'll stage pictures this weekend! (haha) Wish us luck!

A Funny Story --- Must Read

Last night we received a call from a very sweet couple in our church. They are a both a little quiet and just knowing them is a huge blessing. They had made dinner for us to be used anytime this week and wanted to know if it would be too late to drop it off between 9:30 and 10:00 p.m. It wasn't and they said they had directions to our house, so we planned to see them later in the night.

Later on after the kids were asleep, Ethan, Phill (his brother who is helping us out) and I were watching "The Mentalist" upstairs in our bonus room. We were trying to listen for the door but must have missed it. Shortly after 10:00 we got a phone call from the sweet wife, wanting to let us know that they rang the bell but when no one answered they left the meal on the front doorstep. We thanked her, hung up, and Phill ran downstairs to get it. Only . . . there was NOT a meal on the doorstep. So Phill went around to different neighbors houses and tried to see if they had gotten the wrong house. No meals anywhere. Sooooo, I called the wife back to see what she could tell me, and she was just horrified that they had left it at the wrong house! The poor thing was telling her husband standing next to her what had happened, and he said, "isn't the house number 831o?"

In shock, I realized they left the meal at the house we used to live in -- over a year ago! Ethan and Phill were following the conversation and at this point they were laughing so hard, trying to muffle the sound. I was trying not to laugh too, because the couple was just saying quietly, "Oh, dear. Oh, my!" I don't know if the three of us in the bonus room just needed a good laugh to ease the strain of the past three weeks, but we seriously couldn't get a hold of ourselves. It was great.

We called a friend who lives in a house two down from where we used to live and told him there might be an unclaimed meal nearby. He is a good sport and up for an adventure like that, so he walked over and peeked, but by then it was gone.

UPDATE: Phill got a call from the lady who lives in the house we used to live in. Apparently she figured the whole thing out, got our number, called us, and really wanted to bring the meal by. She just dropped it off a few minutes ago. I am sorry I didn't get a chance to thank her, but I did call the kind couple from church and let them know. Isn't it amazing how many good-hearted people there are in the world?

Oh How I Love Shots!

Tomorrow holds the promise of the standard glucose test and the not-so-standard steriod shot. Yuck. I was hoping to escape shots by getting out of the hospital, but at least I do understand the reason for this. The idea is to help our little one's lungs develop more quickly in case of an early delivery. The first shot tomorrow has to be followed by another shot on Wednesday. Double the fun!

I played Old Maid and Go Fish! with the girls all afternoon. It was an unexpected joy to sit with them and be silly. Tomorrow I want to start teaching the kids again. It will be a breeze now that I can just sit here in bed with them one at a time and go over their school subjects. :) Okay, so I'm sure there will still be a little bit of uncooperativeness at times, but I'll pray for good attitudes among all of us!

Christmas Wishes

I don't know how this happened, but I just found out today that my girls both want the same thing for Christmas: a cupcake machine. They saw one in Walmart and are enamored with it. A couple of months ago the big desire was an American girl doll, now it's a cupcake machine. So I'm wondering how we're going to play this one. We're not going to buy two cupcake machines; that would be silly. Maybe one good one and then some extra packets for when they inevitably run out of mix? I don't know. I wish American girl dolls didn't cost like $100 each or we would just do those as their big present. Does anyone know of an American doll look-alike that would please a six-year-old and five-year-old girl?

Ryan's easy . . . he gets a car for everything. And it makes him REALLY happy. :)

Being Home Again

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."
-- Helen Keller

This is one of my favorite quotes. I was thinking of it today as I realized my days of "ease and quiet" are over for now. Being home has been both wonderful and difficult. The kids want to be in bed cuddling with me as much as possible, it seems. I do enjoy that. But it is so different here; I want to get up and do everything I'd normally do at home. (Okay, so I'm not itching to do the dishes or anything, but still.) When Ryan takes off with the telephone, pushing buttons as he goes, it's hard to not jump out of bed and chase after him before he calls China. And today when the girls were picking out what they wanted to wear to the Christmas program, it took all the self-control I could muster to not go down the hall and just help them. (Allie especially needed a hand; at first she was trying to get away with wearing JEANS and then it was summer clothes. Silly goose.)

The hospital room may have been boring, but at least I had no great urge to wander around. Please pray for my poor hubby. I think he's learning patience as he puts up with this patient!

Just When You Think You Know What's Goin' On . . .

So . . . I am home, right now, typing this.



I tried to send an email to everyone I had an address for to explain what's going on, but in case I missed you I'll try to do a quick recap.



The disturbing news yesterday was when my dr. shared with me that our insurance carrier had decided they would no longer pay for coverage past December 5. I was thinking . . . hey, wait a minute -- today's the 10th! Luckily the hospital picked up the bill and carried it through today, but we still had a problem with insurance. Our dr. told us it wouldn't matter what insurance company it was, there was going to be a problem because there just isn't enough research on placenta previa to know for a fact that it was life-threatening to be on bedrest at home. To make a long story short, the debate went back and forth and it came down to the final decision resting on the shoulders of an expert from maternal-fetal medicine. My sweet dr. was VERY much advocating that I stay at the hospital; the maternal-fetal dr. didn't examine me or anything, he just asked what our home life looked like and if we would have enough help. He also wanted to know how far we are from the hospital. We told him with regular traffic it's about 17 minutes. He said if I start to hemmorhage that I can call 911 and their response time is about 2-3 minutes. They can get an i.v. started in the ambulance and blaze to the hospital. He said you have about half an hour before you bleed out and die, so that should leave enough time. (If you're sensing some sarcasm here - good.)

This may have to be part 1 of 2 since it's getting late. Until tomorrow --

12 Weeks: Day 16

I wish I had a picture for right now, because there just aren't words . . .

Ethan just called me to tell me our pipes froze and our kitchen and laundry room are flooded. Sigh. He and his brother, who is luckily there right now, are trying to soak it all up with our towels, but I'm not sure they can use the washer until they fix the problem. I'm hoping we don't run out of towels!

Moving along to more positive news. This morning my dr. visited me like usual and had some troubling things to share with me. Without going into all the details, I'll just say that I was feeling a little bit anxious when she left. A while later the nurse came in to do the usual assessment. One part of the assessment involves monitering the baby's heart rate for 20 to 30 minutes. So she got me hooked up and left the room, only to come back a few moments later because the machine was sounding some kind of alarm. The baby's heart rate was in the high 160's and that's higher than they usually see. For my little girl personally she runs in the 140's usually. So I asked the nurse what could cause her heart rate to be up and she said, "Well, if you were running a fever, which you're not, or if you're anxious about something . . ." Of course I knew right away that it was anxiety and I talked to her about what was going on. She offered to pray with me, and after she prayed for just a couple of minutes and said "Amen", I glanced over at the moniter and saw that our baby girl's heart rate had come back down to normal! It was kind of neat to see and feel God's presence right there at that very moment. I love my Great Physician. :)

12 Weeks: Day 15

I got a phone call today that left me feeling humbled and very undeserving. I don't know if I should say who, but a certain group has hired a cleaning company to come to our house once every other week to keep up on things! What an amazing blessing! I wish I could be there to see it. :) I know it's going to be such a HUGE help to Ethan. God is so good and provides for our every need. I am utterly overwhelmed by the love he has shown us through His people. I was just listening to a sermon online today and the statement was made that if all God ever did for us was save us from eternity in hell, that would enough for us to be completely thankful. But yeah, He does SO much more for us, from taking care of the big things to the tiny details. What a wonderful Father in heaven we have!

12 Weeks: Day 14

My hospital room now has a real, LIVE Christmas tree!!!

12 Weeks: Day 14

Another quiet day with not much new, although I did finally figure out why I was feeling really sick to my stomach every morning. (Kind of late in the pregnancy to classify it as morning sickness.) Apparently when some people are on bed rest it causes their blood pressure to bottom out in the mornings, leading to nausea after they get up for the first time. There's not really much you can do about it but it's kind of nice to know what's going on!

The snow was GORGEOUS outside the window this morning. Ethan's grandpa's funeral was today and it took him around an hour to get to church, when it normally takes no longer than 20 minutes.

12 Weeks: Day 13

Today was an interesting and not-great day. Ethan brought the kids by for a few minutes after church to say hello. He had to play this morning so they had been up and running since about 7:00. He needed to get lunch into their little tummies and get them to bed for a nap by 1:30. Well, he didn't end up getting out of here until nearly 1:30, and was back 10 minutes later with the kids in tow. It turned out the Jeep wouldn't start; it was some problem with the battery terminal. So there we were . . . the kids hadn't eaten, Ethan didn't even have a coat or tools, it was naptime for everyone. Without going into all the boring details, they finally all ended up getting home by 4:30. The kids had eaten by then; thank goodness. My mother-in-law arrived and took the kids across the street to McDonalds. She had a time of it too. While there, she got a call from her mom who was in tears over Ethan's grandpa passing away, and while on the phone with her Emily bit into something and lost her first tooth! There was blood gushing everywhere and then Ryan ran into a table or something and about knocked himself out. Allie was the only one not crying, I think.

Aaaaaahh. Life. It was frustrating to know all this drama was going on and not be able to help anyone or do anything. I'm trying to get used to that. At least I can always pray for them!

12 Weeks: Day 12

For the first time since being here I heard a page for a Code Blue last night. Obviously it's a recorded voice, but the man speaking sounded like he was sitting in his parlor drinking tea. A very calm and collected tone that didn't relay the urgency of the moment. I thought it was on my floor until a nurse told me the page goes out all over the hospital. It happened in the middle of the night.

12 Weeks: Day 11

Friday must be a good errand-running day, because I was fortunate to have lots of visitors today. It was neat because everyone seemed to bring a little something that was comforting; books, magazines, cards, and even Christmas decorations for my room! I feel so blessed. :)

Today is the first day that I won't be able to see my sweet kiddos and husband. Luckily they will be out tomorrow early in the day.

Had to pause this post for a bit to visit with some friends. I just realized that it's good that I like to read, because I now have 17 books sitting on the shelf!

12 Weeks: Day 10

Today has been a pleasant day here at my day spa. I've decided to think of it that way. I mean, after all, I do have chefs and nurses at my bidding. :) Every time I take a relaxing bath someone puts fresh sheets on the bed. There's cable tv and a list of movies here on the floor. I may even miss this place when it's time to leave! (NOT)

I ran out of clean pajamas today and had to go back to the hospital gown. It seriously feels like you're wrapping yourself in a tent. At least it's pink! Ethan got after me (in a sweet way) about not reminding him to bring me clean stuff, but I really didn't want to bug him with this detail. He has been overwhelmed with work, our new situation, and his grandpa passing away Tuesday night. It's hard being here because of the loneliness, being woken up at night every night to do vitals, and not feeling like I have much privacy. But my heart really hurts for my hubby, because he has soooo much on his shoulders right now. He has barely seen the kids this week. They are all coming in together tonight and we plan to have a VERY good time!

12 Weeks: Day 9

A few friends have asked what exactly the situation is and what's going on. I'm certainly no expert and am still learning, but placenta previa means that your placenta is low-lying and usually touching or covering some part of the cervix. With a complete previa, like I have, the placenta completely covers the cervix. When this is what they find on an ultrasound, it's much less likely that the placenta will move (like it often does with a partial previa), meaning that a c-section is inevitable. Because the placenta isn't attached to anything, there are all these blood vessels just hanging there on the underside. They don't know exactly what causes the bleeding, but some thoughts are that the weight of the baby can lead to it, or certain activities. Once you bleed for the first time, or the "centinal bleed", you are at a much increased risk of bleeding again, and they may not be able to stop it the second time. There are women who actually have to continuously get transfusions until the baby is mature enough to be born. Obviously it's not ideal to be getting transfusions for a long period of time, so if the hemmorhage is going to happen it's better to have it happen as late as possible in the pregnancy. The only way to stop the bleeding is to remove the placenta.

Okay, I hope that somewhat answers questions. And I really hope I didn't relay any false information, because like I said, I'm still figuring it out. :)


On a lighter note, I have to share a very vivid dream I had last night. I dreamed that Ty Pennington and the Extreme Makeover team chose us for their Home Edition. When it was time for the big reveal they had finished our baby nursery. It was done with a buttercream color on the walls and cranberry, light pink, and brown bedding. The other room in my dream was our playroom, which had been made to look exactly like my hospital room! For some reason that really thrilled me during the dream. Craziness.

12 Weeks: Day 8

I really wish I was writing about something like our trip to Disneyland or the latest fun project we've tackled, but unfortunately that's not the case. It's only noon today, and my heart is so heavy. I think everything is sinking in today. My dr. came in this morning when Ethan was here and asked if we had any questions. One thing Ethan had been wondering about was what my chances were of dying here in the hospital when we're so close to the OR and everything. I thought it was silly to ask, and assumed that my dr. would laugh and say, "Oh, she's at no risk." Nope. She was completely serious when she answered and said she had been discussing my situation with another colleague and debating a few issues. One issue was whether I should have one i.v. site or two. I was really hoping to avoid having an i.v. but she explained when you start losing blood very quickly it can be very difficult to get an i.v. started. Another issue they were discussing involved keeping my blood type (A positive) or O positive and negative close by. I guess it takes half an hour to to get the blood from the lab downstairs. We talked about Ethan giving blood because he's O negative, although I couldn't just get his blood in a transfusion because it doesn't work that way. (Basicallly it would just be helpful if he gave because there would be more of the kind I can get in the blood bank.) What else was there? Oh, yeah . . . they will test my blood every few days to do a "cross-match" with what they have. I'm not sure why this is important but whatever. :)

Before today I felt like I was just "humoring" my dr. and Ethan by willingly going along with what I was supposed to do. Now I think I'm understanding more of how Ethan feels and why he gets upset when I don't take it very seriously. He won't have to worry about that anymore; I GET IT! :) (finally)