Faith and Doubt

Yesterday morning I woke up, made breakfast for the kids, and ate a bagel.  Then I started cleaning the house and moping.  Why?  It was supposed to be the first half-marathon in a series of four I was going to do this month.  I was training with a great team and was so excited to raise money for hurting families in India.

Sigh.  A while back I mentioned having bursitis in my hip.  I was under the impression it would be a couple of weeks to heal, but the last word from the chiropracter (and later a physical therapist) was that it takes more like six months. 

I had no idea how this would hit me emotionally.  This morning I finally ended up talking to Ethan about it and it all became clear.  I realized that I've been doubting God for letting this happen to me.  That came as a total shock.  When our little boy died I didn't doubt God.  It was horrible; the worst thing I could imagine for anyone, yet I had complete faith in His plan for our lives and Isaac's life.  I had total peace.  When Bubba was diagnosed as autistic I was upset, but never doubted God or the direction our lives would take.  When I was hospitalized for three months with the pregnancy I didn't ask God why.  I didn't have to understand the details because I trusted in Him. 

Now, however, I'm having a crisis of faith over a running injury?  It seems a little ridiculous.  But it's so unfair.  I've never really been athletic, unless you count dancing.  To actually enjoy running, and not have given up the thousand times I wanted to roll back over and go to sleep again . . . it was something special. 

I realized that in the other difficulties we've gone through we've been covered in prayer by hundreds of people.  No wonder we had peace!  And yet during a struggle with this I feel like I'm going through it alone.  I can just hear my non-running friends thinking, Oh yeah . . . poor girl doesn't get to torture herself anymore.  :)  I get that!  I would have said the same thing a couple of years ago. 

I've realized that I'm blessed.  Lucky.  I've had the good fortune of having people love me and my family enough to pray for us.  What a gift!  And now that I've talked to Ethan, I realize that I need to be the one praying about peace.  About my attitude.  And hopefully the hip will heal while I learn this lesson. 


"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." 
-- Romans 15: 12-14   

Thoughts on Our Boy

This is an old picture of Bubba, but with all the changes I've been going through with computers I haven't downloaded much from the camera lately. 

I've wanted to write down some of the developments we've been seeing in him lately, if only for my records.  I can't say how many times in the last few weeks Ethan or I have said something to the effect of what a joy he is to raise.  This is the same kiddo that has brought me to tears of frustration many times in the past.  I don't know what's going on, only that my heart has never felt more full.  We've noticed that he's showing first-time obedience most of the time.  (Shocking!)  Although he's not a perfect gentleman to his baby sister, for the most part I can trust him to play nicely with her.  He'll ask her to go outside with him or push him in his tonka truck.  He also LOVES to have her chase him and tickle him.  It's adorable.

After finding out he would be having a very inconsistent schedule in public school this year, we decided to keep him home.  He's following a preschool curriculum that I write to his ability level.  A lot of the ideas for preschoolers aren't even something he can do because of the language, but we've found some creative ways to work around it.  One game he likes involves hiding his favorite blanket.  When it's time for him to find it, he has to listen to directional clues like "under, to the left, inside" and so on.  He laughs like a hyena when he finds it.  :)  He's done "bowling" with paper bags, where he has to knock down the paper bag with the right letter taped to it.  And of course, there's so much we can do that appeals to his need for sensory stimulation.  Making letters in a pan of rice or feeling sandpaper numbers is great fun.  Of course, I'd have much more trouble doing this if it wasn't for his aide being here every day to help him.  Makes life far easier!

Here's a funny thing he's been up to lately.  He'll look me (or Daddy) in the eyes really sweetly and say, "Mommy want an owie?"  His little fingers are always at the ready to pinch if we say yes! 

I know our lives with autism in them have been so hard, but the joys are so rich.  Every little triumph is cause for great celebration.  I'm thankful to God that He blessed us in this way!

If You Give A Mom A Muffin

If you give a mom a muffin, she'll want a cup of coffee to go with it.  She'll pour herself some.  Her three-year-old will spill the coffee.  She'll wipe it up.  Wiping the floor, she will find dirty socks.  She'll remember she has to do laundry.  When she puts the laundry in the washer, she'll trip over boots and bump into the freezer.  Bumping into the freezer will remind her that she has to plan supper.  She will get out a pound of hamburger.  She'll look for her cookbook.  (101 Things to Do With a Pound of Hamburger).  The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.  She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow.  She will look for her checkbook.  The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old.  She'll smell something funny.  She'll change the two-year-old.  While she is changing the two-year-old the phone will ring.  Her five-year-old will answer and hang up.  She'll remember that she wants to phone a friend to come for coffee.  Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.  She will pour herself some and chances are, if she has a cup of coffee, her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

- Kathy Fictorie

My Running . . . Derailed

So I'm averaging one post a month this summer. Fantastic!

Sometimes you know that God is trying to tell you something. For me it seems to be "STOP RUNNING". Maybe I should explain . . .

A few weeks ago I started noticing a nagging pain in my hip. It happened shortly after Ethan and I ran 13.1 miles. That was my longest distance yet. I tried to back off on miles a little bit and went in to see a sports chiropractor. He recommended icing it and getting treatment. Well, ice is basically free so I went with that. I had just about decided to to call him for treatment yesterday because the pain wasn't improving (although I have not run in 1 week). Instead, our night went as follows:

I made stir-fry for dinner. Ethan had a late meeting so I was preparing to sit down and eat with the kids.

Bubba got super angry over something, who knows what, and threw a glass at the table.

I picked up all the pieces of the glass, getting a small shard in my thumb. Was totally annoyed about that.

Put the broken glass in the trash bag and sat down for dinner.

Ate dinner.

Started clearing the table and decided to take the trash out. Picked up the trash bag and went to cinch the top.

Broken glass falls over in the bag, breaks through, and falls on the top of my foot.

So there I was, staring at my foot and thinking Why can I see white?!

And then it hit me, I was looking at my bone. (Eeeeww.) I started feeling sick to my stomach and asked Spunky to grab my cell phone. Then I told the kids, "If mama passes out, it's totally okay. It's just because I'm looking at blood."

I called our neighbor, who is a former nurse, and she came over and advised me to go get stitches. (She probably would have stitched my foot herself but she's pretty advanced in age and doesn't have the best eyesight.) So, while Bubba ran around the house pulling off his sister's diaper and generally wreaking havoc I sat on the couch and waited for Ethan to get home. It wasn't a long wait, thankfully!

The doctor said it may be a few days before I'll want to run. Or a week or so. Maybe it's for the best; it will give the hip some time to heal. :)

Here Comes the School Year

I am getting so excited for our upcoming school year. This is our 5th year of homeschooling . . . can you believe it? Spunky will be in third grade, Giggles in second, and Bubba in Pre-K. I've always used Sonlight as our curriculum but am adding some additional resources this year. We're using Math-U-See which we did last year and loved. We have this amazing history wall chart from Konos that is like 4 ft by 6 ft. Our little history characters (that will stick to the chart) are coming in the mail next week. Still not sure where we're going to put such an immense teaching aid . . . the ceiling, maybe? :)

I've been researching different spelling programs to see what's best for us. One that I'm intrigued with is called "Spell to Write and Read". But I'm not super interested in it because while reviewers speak highly of the results, they also say that mom has to put in serious hours to learn it. (One reviewer claimed to have spent 100 hours learning it before she felt prepared to teach.) Yikes! So I'm still looking.

There are several homeschool co-ops here in this area. We've actually been on a waiting list for 2 separate ones in the past few years, but a new one is opening up and I think we'll be a part of it. I'm not sure what to teach or assist with yet . . . maybe dance or music? The girls think their baby sister needs to teach drama. :) Some classes available for my kids to take would include Spanish, public speaking, and zoology.

If you could teach a class on anything, what would you choose?

FINALLY!

If you've wondered why I've been mysteriously absent from the blogging world it is because something was broken on my blog.  Yes, that's actually true.  I had to switch over to the new editor from the old, an answer I only found by going to "Help". 

It feels so good to be back!

Now if I only had something significant to say. 








Darn.

Hello, July

It has been three weeks. I haven't taken a blogging break like that in quite some time. Right now . . .

- Calico is sitting next to me, saying "hi-low!" to my phone, over and over again.

- Bubba is loving on his cars in the playroom

- Giggles and Spunky are fixing their hair, preparing for our family "July birthdays" get-together at Nana and Grandad's

And I am taking a break from cleaning. Not any spectacular cleaning; just the daily stuff. For the first time this month I made a crock pot meal and feel like it's not a bad time for a break. Yay for no dinner prep!!

This week I decided to REALLY start couponing. I actually bought the binder and the baseball-card-organizing sheets. Oh yeah. On Tuesday I made my first purchase with coupons and felt a little giddy. It wasn't much, just 10 boxes of cereal for $10, but it was fun!

Our new non-profit has kept us incredibly busy. We have a logo.

We had a benefit yardsale that raised over $1000. LONGEST day of my life! :) But well worth the time and effort. It paid for our 501c3 application and the logo design. We also had a booth at the God and Country Festival, where we ended up getting about 150 people on our contact list. Another long day that was well worth it.

The girls and I (plus two neighbor girls) have been reading through the Little House on the Prairie Series. I just adored those books growing up! We've attempted some get-togethers with some other homeschooling families to do related crafts, but it's tough in the summertime with schedules. We're doing things like cloved apples, nightcaps, butter (from scratch), button necklaces, and jackrabbit stew.

Bubba has been turning some corners with his speech. It almost makes me cry every time he says something new because it's SO difficult for him. We had a breakthrough the other day. His aide and the kids and I were all out going to the library and she wanted to stop at Little Caesar's. So we parked in front and she went in with Spunky, who'd asked for permission. Bubba clearly said, "I want to get out of the car." Thrilled, I replied, "No, Miss Julie and sissy will be back in just a minute with the pizzas. We're staying in the car." And that was that. He went back to playing with his car.

Why was that such a big deal? The normal scenario would consist of this:

People get out of the car. Bubba starts screaming. I say, "Are you hungry, honey? What's the matter? Are you tired? We're going home right after this." Etc. He continues to scream, maybe bites himself for good measure. I feel stressed and frustrated and worried. The baby starts to cry.

So, that not happening was a good thing.

We've also had some relapses in the pottying department. He's had several accidents a week at naptime and bedtime. Unfortunately he's back to smearing #2 again. I try to catch him but it's difficult. I'm considering getting a camera in there. And replacing his carpet with a concrete drain. ;)

Time to get dinner on, but I'll be back soon to give some more updates!