Memorial

The death of my Grandpa has been easier to handle than the loss of my little one. At his memorial yesterday I felt a resolution that came from him living a full life. I felt the peace of knowing that he is in heaven right now. I hope he's holding Isaac.

My grandpa starting developing symptoms of optic neuritis when I was a little kid, although my in my earliest memories of time spent with him he was already legally blind. He didn't seek out a personal relationship with Christ until this time in his life. As my mom read in a memorial she wrote for yesterday, he told her that "it wasn't until he went blind that he was able to see".

Yesterday was my first time attending a funeral where they honored someone for their service to the country. I made it through the emotional slideshow and all of the speakers, but when I heard the twenty-one gun salute and the instruments playing Taps, I couldn't keep the tears from falling. When the soldier knelt down to present the flag to my grandma and I heard the gentle, respectful way he spoke to her, it gave me chills.

I am so proud of my grandpa and can't wait to see him again!

Doldrums

Sometimes I feel like life's just not that into me. Seriously. Maybe it's because my grandpa just died. I am really happy that he's not suffering anymore, though.

Does anyone else need the weather to change around here? I think a huge part of feeling down has to do with this stupid cloudy weather every day. I think I'll buy one of those special sunlamps and stick it on my head.

Stay tuned for a more cheerful post another day. Or not. We'll see.

Updates

Last week we added something new and fun to our homeschool routine . . . we joined a coop! I had been thinking about doing it for a while. We're already part of a field trip coop and are on a waiting list for a p.e. coop, but this one is really great. All of the parents participate in some way. They group has events and meetings but my favorite part is the classes offered every second and fourth Thursday. Allie went in to kindergarten and there were probably about 20 kids in her class. Emily joined the preschool group and had about the same amount of kids in her class. I assisted in the nursery with Ryan and the little boy I babysit.

The classes for older kids are more exciting. This semester they had a class on insects, Spanish, karate, sewing, a "Little House on the Prairie" unit study and choir for the first graders. (They can pick two classes.) I don't really enjoy being in the nursery all that much and hope to teach or assist in a class next semester. I'm thinking maybe dance, or art, or music. Should be fun!

Freebies

For anyone interested, the free redbox code for today is D9P24G. I haven't actually done this yet, but every Monday you can get a free movie with the right code. Also, in case you missed it, tomorrow from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. Denny's is giving away a Grand Slam breakfast. Good times.

Allie finally lost her first tooth this morning. I think it was a little traumatizing for her, because she knocked it loose on the slide. She was okay until she saw the blood when she looked in the mirror; then it started hurting. :)

Speaking of Allie, she made me laugh last week when she picked up my new Venus razor holder and commented, "This looks like a mouse." I gave her a blank stare for a second and then realized, she means a computer mouse. Of course.


We are going to Seattle this week! I wish we were going somewhere warm, but it will be nice to get out of town for a few days.

Thank You to everyone for your kind words after my last post. I really appreciate it!

Got an extra dose of cuteness tonight from Thing One. (Btw, I have decided to refer to the children as The Cat In the Hat, Thing One and Thing Two. Dr. Suess has more than a few good ideas!) I was drying her hair and . . .

E: "My eyes is almost blind."

Me: "Why's that?"

E: "Because I be poking 'em every day."

And then several minutes later . . .

E: "My nose gets so dry with me sneezing with it every day."

I enjoy her improper grammer soooo much. Eventually we'll work on that, but for now it's too much fun.

Wish it could be a funny post . . .

I am too spent to attempt humor this afternoon, so I suppose I'll just write about what's really on my mind.

Babies. They are everywhere. I think maybe ten or eleven or forty-eight of my friends are pregnant right now. Sigh. I am super happy for them. It's still hard though. I worked in the infant nursery at church for the first time on Sunday. Not only did we have a sweet little guy named Isaac in there, there was also a little boy who was born a couple of weeks before my little one. I felt down the rest of the day after we left church.

I think this is probably normal for our situation, but I can't stop thinking about when we are going to have another baby. And then I imagine the ways we could have a baby besides the obvious. We (I) sent away for a packet on adoption, but the financial side of it is so discouraging. I also asked Ethan what he thought about us finding someone who would be a surrogate for us, and he looked at me like I had grown another head or something. :)

I would appreciate prayers for patience and peace in this; and please don't tell me "well, you have plenty of time". I know this sounds so snotty, but I feel like that's all anyone ever says without knowing how it feels to have had a child die. I know we are young and "have time," but I miss my baby so much, I guess it's hard to be rational.

Dream On

I am having troubles writing anything so far this year. Maybe it's the shiny newness of Facebook, where I can just plop down any old thought that comes to mind in one sentence or less. Maybe it's because I had strep throat and an ear infection last week. Or maybe it's just because I haven't had anything good to share.

Not true. I had a horribly scary nightmare a few days ago. I was dreaming that Ethan and I were asked to help the marching band here in our new town. So we go to the practice, which happens to be a dress rehearsal, and the colorguard (my people), are dressed like VEGETABLES! I'm not kidding. This was their actual costume. I remember seeing a carrot, brocolli spear, and an onion before waking up in a cold sweat.

Does anyone else think that's weird?

Luckily, this doesn't seem to be a recurring nightmare. Maybe it had something to do with the pain pills I was taking for the ear infection. Or maybe I have a deep-seated fear of healthy food.

That's probably it.