No Room At the Inn

This blog post has been on my heart for a long time.  I've struggled with the decision to write it, but feel that it's too important to stay quiet.

Several weeks ago our family made the difficult decision to leave our church.  I've only attended and have been the member of two churches in my life; the one I grew up in and the one I found after moving away for college.  This was the church where I met my husband, where our babies were dedicated, and where new aquaintences became family for life. 

Since we left, Sunday mornings have been a mix of hope and discouragement.  We've attended several churches throughout the valley.  The girls usually jump right in with the other kids their age, no problem.  But when we try to drop Bubba off, it's another story.  Usually he won't let go of us.  We've taken him into the main sanctuary before but he makes strange noises and the looks we get tell us it's not acceptable.  When we attempt to drop him at the classroom, we make sure to inform the teacher that he's autistic and explain a little bit of what that means.  Sadly, the most common response is the "deer in the headlights" expression.  You can tell they absolutely do NOT want him in there. 

Today we happened to arrive at a church on the day of their Christmas program.  We took Bubba and the girls to the sanctuary first.  He was holding still but making a continuous sound like he was clearing his throat.  After some obvious looks our direction, I took him out to try the children's  ministry.  After struggling to hold him while typing our information into the check-in center, a man told us that the kids would be going up on stage and that our son needed to stay with us.  I understood, but wasn't quite sure what to do next.  So I settled for taking him into the foyer and sitting on the couch.  I tried to keep him busy with songs and stories.  After a few minutes Ethan came out to check on us and we switched places.  While I was in the sanctuary, Ryan pulled a Christmas ornament off the tree and it bounced across the room, but that was the worst that happened.   I went out spell Ethan for a few minutes.  By this time Bubs was getting pretty antsy.  He started alternately rolling on the couch and running around the small area.  I thought about taking him outside but our coats were in the sanctuary.  A couple of ladies sat down to talk in the same area and gave us encouraging smiles.  They seemed nice, but I felt completely humiliated when one of them leaned over to Bubba and said (in a syrupy sweet voice), "We don't run in church!"  Seriously.  I was trying my hardest to keep him well-behaved, but he is five!  He was actually doing a good job, considering.

I know this church we visited is a great church.  In fact, all of the churches we have visited have been great churches.  But I'm starting to feel like the unwanted family!  I feel that this needs to be said:  if we were going to church for my first time, we would NEVER return.  Parents of children with special needs must feel that they are welcome!  If you are in the ministry in any capacity, do you know there are families like us out there?  Would they come back to your church after one visit? 

As a side note, the church we have left was fantastic with our little boy. (Not the reason we left.) One of the best ways they helped us was just by asking how they could do better; what we needed. I will always love those people for the love they showed all of our kids. Thank you!

Please know that we have not harbored bitterness in our hearts towards any one person or church.  We understand the place those people are coming from.  In fact, I'm ashamed to say that once I was one of them.  I didn't really know (or particularly care) how to help those children or families.  I didn't look past their "church face" to see their hurting hearts, and I'm ashamed of that.  But now that we are on the other side I feel that it's important that someone advocate for those families.  It's hard to take your family anywhere when you have a child with special needs.  But the place you should never have to feel unwelcome is in God's house. 

Copycat!

Big brothers are awesome.  At least, that's what our sweet little Calico thinks.  Bubba is her favorite playmate and role model.  This picture shows how good he's got it; the big five-year-old making the baby push him around in his Tonka truck.  But she loves it. 

Now the funny thing is, Calico has picked up some of Bubba's habits.  For example, when Bubba apologizes he swipes his hand down your face.  Now the baby has picked up on this.  It's all I can do to keep a straight face when I watch her pat down her sister's face while saying "I sawwee".  He also makes strange sounds in the car sometimes, and sure enough, she chimes in to make it a duet. 

It's not often that a kiddo with autism has the admiration of another child; I'm so grateful my little boy does!

Advent Calendar 2011

The kids are super excited that it's almost December 1st, and I've decided to share our list of activities on here to help anyone who may want it.  :)  So, without further adieu . . .

1.  Go to the library to check out Christmas books.
2.  Write a letter to Santa.
3.  Play a board game as a family.
4.  Read the Christmas story from the Bible.
5.  Make ornaments with our friends.
6.  Study the names of Jesus.
7.  Make paper snowflakes.
8.  Bake bread to give to friends.
9.  Family Movie Night!  (The Santa Claus)
10.  Make Christmas cookies.
11.  Build a fort and have dinner in it.
12.  Deliver cookies to the hospital and daddy's work.
13.  Learn about the real St. Nicholas.
14.  Create a nativity together from scraps and craft supplies.
15.  Go to the dollar store for the kids to buy gifts.
16.  Family Movie Night.  (It's a Wonderful Life)
17.  Go out to look at Christmas lights.
18.  Make a Gingerbread House.
19.  Playdate with friends.
20.  Go caroling.
21. 
22.
23.  Fireplace/guitar/hot chocolate
24.  Nana and Grandad's house with the cousins!

We're still missing a couple of days, any suggestions?

Thankful

Last weekend I got the opportunity to remember the number one material possession I am thankful for; my mattress.  It happened like this. . .

Ethan's company does work with a variety and commercial customers.  One recent customer was a local hotel.  As part of the payment they traded for some free nights.  We were blessed with one of those nights and decided immediately we should use it for Giggles 7th birthday.  She is such a big fan of swimming, which is unfortunate when your birthday is in the winter.  She has always wanted to go swimming for her birthday, so she and Spunky and I had a mom and daughter overnighter at the hotel!

Walking in we quickly noticed a variety of oddly dressed college age people.  And I mean REALLY oddly dressed.  Bright colored wigs, fake weapons, tails, make-up.  It was wild.  We later learned they were there for an Anime Convention.  I don't know a single person who's into anime, but they were all quite nice.

There was a lot of swimming, but there was also a good eight hours of sleeping.  Or maybe I should say eight hours of trying to sleep.  The beds were soft and looked inviting, but man did my back hurt in the morning!  It reminded me of how much I'm spoiled by our wonderful bed. 

About four or five years ago we desperately needed to replace the mattress we'd had since we got married.  We researched, because that's what my man does, and settled on the Intellibed.  It was expensive, but we fortunately had saved up for a while to buy it.  I don't have a whole lot of brand loyalty  to anything else, but I won't ever buy another brand of mattress as long as I live.  It was worth every penny!

Why the Heck Do I Even Try?

This was my "To Do" list for this week, in no particular order.

Scrub master bathroom from top to bottom.  Take the car to the carwash and vacuum completely.  Make homemade bread.  Make lentil soup.  Make sweet potato soup.  Teach the dog something.  Take the dog on walks.  Hand-wash the kitchen floor.  Hand-wash the entry floor.  Organize the master bedroom.  Organize the baby's bedroom.  Paint a picture.  Paint more pictures.  Write descriptions for upcoming classes at the academy.  Clean and organize the bonus room.  Make Ethan's Christmas gifts.  Get ahead on curriculum planning.   

Here's what I've actually done.

Painted a wall.  Cleaned the master bathroom.  (Okay, 1 point for following through on that.)  Cleaned up 15 or 20 puppy accidents.  Started a Christmas gift-buying list.  Made bread and lentil soup.  (2 points.)  Thought about planning our advent calendar activities.  Talked to hubby on the phone.  Went coupon grocery shopping with Bubba. 

I did mention that the girls are gone for three days, right?  I figured going from four kids down to one would somehow magically make me superwoman.  Sigh.  Well, there's still tomorrow.   :)

In The Last Month . . .

* We adopted a puppy.  His name is Archer.

Baby boxers have funny shaped heads.  His is already starting to look more normal.  I've forgotten what having a puppy means.  It's like having another child, only this time we can keep him in a kennel when we need a break.

* The girls went to their first slumber party.  I love how my friend planned it out.  They were tired the next day, but not excessively so.  They watched "Soul Surfer" and really liked it.

* Read the book "1001 Ideas for Teaching and Raising Your Child with Autism".  One thing that stood out to me was about respect.  Even though Bubba doesn't talk much, he does understand us.  It's important for me to remember that and not always talk about him like he's not there.  (Harder than you might think.)

* Had a harvest party with some friends.  Highlight of the night, in my opinion, was the dance contest.  All the kids and several adults participated.  We had two judges.  There really was no contest.  The winner was a four-year-old boy that could get down!  He was hilarious to watch.

* Started thinking about the next semester in co-op.  I will be teaching a dance class for grades 2-5.  Really looking forward to it!

* Preparing for the hubby to go to Dallas next week.  So thankful that my parents are going to take the girls part of the time so it will just be Bubba and I.  We have one morning that his aide will be here and I am going to CLEAN.  (I feel the word must be in all caps to show how serious I am.)  I may even skip meals or eat as I go to make the most of the time.  I'm more excited to get some deep-cleaning done than I would be if I won a trip to Europe.  (Well, maybe.)

* Calico has gotten into reading, big-time.  She'll be seven in a couple weeks and has been devouring chapter books.  It's kind of like a dream come true for me, because I adore reading and know that it has helped me to learn so much.  She's reminding me of myself when I was a little girl. 

Some Women Are Dripping With Diamonds

If you've ever seen the Annie movie, you may remember a song that Miss Hanigan sings. 

Some women are dripping with diamonds
Some women are dripping with pearls
Lucky me, lucky me
Look at what I'm dripping with . . .

Little girls

I feel a little like Miss Hanigan this week.  Our dear friends R. and T. had a getaway for a few days and we get to take care of their daughters who are seven and five.  They are GREAT kiddos!  However, I've learned that jumping from four to six kids is a bit challenging.  We keep running out of kid plates and have had to separate the older two from the younger two at night due to too much giggling.  :)  The nice part is that the girls are also homeschooled, so they fit right into our routine.  And their mama packed three meals for everyone plus daily schoolwork for them, so it helped quite a bit.

One funny moment: last week Spunky told me that she had figured out glue works really well to stick things to the fridge.  We had to have a big talk about why we don't do that, of course.  So yesterday we had a Mad Hatter Tea Party and the two big girls wanted to surprise me.  Bright and early in the morning they tidied up the downstairs and put up little teacup decorations that they made.  It was so sweet!  . . . until I figured out they had GLUED the teacups to the walls!  And the cupboards.  My eyes must have gotten really big when I discovered it, because Spunky was quick to point out "But don't worry mom; we didn't glue ANYTHING to the fridge!!" 

Sometimes there just aren't words. :)