I don't get it. It has been three and a half weeks since Isaac died, and so far I had been doing a little better each day. Then Ethan went out of town for work and . . . I don't know what happened. I just felt paralyzed by grief. And then as life would have it, the kids just added to the fun. A small example of what was going on . . . Allie got sick in the night and threw up all over her bed and the floor. When I was upstairs cleaning it up in the morning, Ryan somehow broke my favorite vase and was sitting and playing in the broken glass when I found him. He had cuts on his hands and knees but thankfully nowhere else.
Lots of people have said that I am so "strong" in the past couple of weeks. I'm not feeling all that strong right now. I feel like giving up and letting the mess around the house, the stupidly high medical bills, and the daily frustrations win.
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As I was reading this, the poem "footprints" came to mind. (I'm sure you have read ot before) I'll quote it since I have it next to me. The man thought he'd been left alone throughout the difficult times of his life when the Lord tells him, "My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your time of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." I don't any of us ever feel strong when going through anything that is difficult, but at least we know that He is strong enough, and willing, and he loves you.
Kimberly, my heart has been so heavy for you. I don't know how I would even function. My prayers are with you!
Hang in there! Still praying for you daily!!
I'm sorry you are still having an, understandably, difficult time. All we can do (and sometimes it's hard to have the DESIRE to..) is to pray. You are in my heart and mind daily! Don't be hard on yourself - it's only been a short 3weeks. Remember there's no "deadline" and "quota" on our grief.
Kimberly,
I am still here and still praying for you and your family. My experience with grieving is that it is a process, a very difficult journey. Some days you feel strong and others you just don't...be careful not to judge yourself on the not so strong days.
It is okay and perfectly natural to go through ALL of the emotions during this time. I would expect you to experience up and down moments for quite a while (years maybe?) Although everyone around you is verbalizing that you are very strong, don't feel pressured to experience this grief in any other way than how it comes to you. You are an amazing person on both your strong and weak days and I'm here praying for you along the way.
Candace
remember that it has ONLY been 3 1/2 weeks. you are in the early stages of grieving for isaac and there are still going to be a lot of rough days ahead. just take it one day at a time. and if you need to let things go for a while then do it. you need time to heal yourself before you can care for everyone around you.
I wasn't online at all this weekend so I didn't read this post until now but you were very much placed on my heart this weekend and I was praying for you!
Oh, little sister. I'm sorry I am not closer so I could just come give you hugs whenever you want them. Stinks a bit that the world can't just stop for a while and let you deal with this, doesn't it? It doesn't always help that even the most heartfelt support and encouragement can sometimes feel like pressure to "do the right thing" This is the best thing about God's grace; it comes without expectations. Don't worry about the "doing". Just be. You are a wonderful blessing to those you love and love you.
It's so difficult to go through the ups and downs. It seems like everything bad happens at once. I'm so sorry you've had some hard times lately. I just want you to know I still think of you and pray for you daily. God will get you through this. I think you're pretty amazing!
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