I am too spent to attempt humor this afternoon, so I suppose I'll just write about what's really on my mind.
Babies. They are everywhere. I think maybe ten or eleven or forty-eight of my friends are pregnant right now. Sigh. I am super happy for them. It's still hard though. I worked in the infant nursery at church for the first time on Sunday. Not only did we have a sweet little guy named Isaac in there, there was also a little boy who was born a couple of weeks before my little one. I felt down the rest of the day after we left church.
I think this is probably normal for our situation, but I can't stop thinking about when we are going to have another baby. And then I imagine the ways we could have a baby besides the obvious. We (I) sent away for a packet on adoption, but the financial side of it is so discouraging. I also asked Ethan what he thought about us finding someone who would be a surrogate for us, and he looked at me like I had grown another head or something. :)
I would appreciate prayers for patience and peace in this; and please don't tell me "well, you have plenty of time". I know this sounds so snotty, but I feel like that's all anyone ever says without knowing how it feels to have had a child die. I know we are young and "have time," but I miss my baby so much, I guess it's hard to be rational.
10 comments:
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through but I do know it must be so hurtful and painful.
Be extra kind to yourself as you feel and deal with all of these emotions ok? And if you ever need a hug... come look for me....
Sigh, I wish life could be a bit easier...
I can't even try to being to imagine how you feel and what you are going through but I did want you to know that I think of you and pray for you often.
Oh my sweet sister. No one but our heavenly father can know the extent of your pain and sorrow. Please be assured that He takes great pride in what a good mama you are and always have been. Through your good and bad moments, He smiles on you and calls you His. Lay all your woes at His feet. He WILL provide the answer. Take comfort in knowing that if and when another child is meant to be part of your family, He already knows just how its going to happen!
I'll be keeping you in my prayers.
I'm still here and still praying for you. I think what you are going through is completely normal and natural, and necessary for the grieving process. You are a dear sweet lady and I wish you the best week possible as you are sorting out these feelings. You are loved.
of course you miss that baby...you should! and it is just fine to want more. you are made to be a momma. it i cannot even imagine how hard it is to be hit in the face with it day after day...pregnant belly after pregnant belly...infant after infant...ahhhhh!! makes me feel sick to my stomach thinking about it in your shoes. i truly am sorry. not sure what else to say but that i love you guys and constantly think of you and isaac.
I wish it was a funny post, too. Like the others have said there is only one person who can ease that pain. I pray that you can be comforted and find the answers you are looking for. I think about you often Kim, and you have been so strong though all of this (at least the part of you I can "see".) But it's okay to grieve and to be angry and all that other stuff. There are no "wrong" emotions. Prayers are with you...
i'm a late reader. i've been thinking a lot about you and your family and sweet baby isaac. i wish i would've read this sooner because i've been yearning to talk to you about this too. however, never knowing where exactly you are in your mourning, i find it difficult to bring up.
i love you guys. i'll talk to eddie about the surragate thing. ;)
~tawna
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