I have a confession. The last several days have been the same. I start having contractions and they give me Nyphetapine. (sp?) It lowers my blood pressure and in turn stops the contractions. But now that I am past the 34 week mark I am so tempted to not tell the nurse I'm having contractions.
There's a danger in being a long-term patient. You tend to start questioning what's being done and if you want to exercise your right to say no. For example, I've been off of an i.v. for many weeks because I've been stable. This week was a little crazy though, and now I have to have one. I hate the way my arm looks; all full of poke marks and bumpy and scarred. I would really like to refuse the next one. But am I really using my brain when I think like that, or is it just emotional? I think I know the answer.
The hardest part of this whole situation has been a loss of rights. There's no privacy anymore; I can't choose when to have housekeeping or the dietician or the physical therapist walk through the door. I'm being told how to eat and that I need to eat more almost daily. I can't make things better at home or be there to comfort my kids. So yeah, maybe a little control is what I'm seeking. It's a dangerous game to play with your health, when the only reason you're refusing what's best is because you need to make sure your voice is still heard.
2 comments:
You sound frustrated - and rightly so. I don't know the right answers to tell you. I do know that each day your baby stays inside of you, she is getting stronger and healthier than she would have been the day before.
That being said, I've always wanted to see a baby born. (Other than my own.) How about Sunday while I'm there??? :)
ha! wouldn't that be something??? i think it'd be sweet to have your baby born on my birthday. but that's really senseless and selfish!
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